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‘One Day You Will Bow to Me’: Guest Post By The Anglican Covenant


If you do not already know him, may I introduce you to

Anglican Covenant
Anglican Covenant
Out to take over the world, one province at a time. Sign up!
Things have come to such a pass that it seemed necessary to invite him to offer a guest post. Prepare to shiver your timbers!




Greetings from the many corners and folds of the world where I am being debated and weighed. Greetings from the few places where I have been enthusiastically embraced as a way forward out of the mire. Greetings from the recycling bins of councils that have passed me along (but only in principle, with some great reservation or other, noting as they have done so that I do not ultimately change those churches’ sense of autonomy – a concept beyond my orbit).


Does my tone make me seem like someone who feels guilty over all the stomach acid people have expended on his behalf? It might, but I don’t. I’m not guilty any more than the sky is green or the grass is blue.


For I am the Anglican Covenant. I am an inanimate piece of paper with words written upon it. My creators did not intend for me to feel anything, so I don’t. In fact, I’m a perfectly rational substitute for the bonds of mutual affection some of you lot have come to treasure so.


Even so, one day you will all bow down to me. I am sure of this, even as I totter on the edge of non-adoption, because I was made to be sure of it.


Some say I am a futile project borne of yesterday’s clerics, and that said clerics were desperate to lock down some sort of position, some kind of certitude, while their ship tottered and sank. Some say I am the impulses of a West-fearing Southern Cone wary of the importation of sexualized culture. Some say I was simply present at the creation but it took a crisis, a rift, to see my necessity and to breathe my articulation into life.


I like this last bit because it makes me feel especially important. I like feeling important. I will not be thought of as irrelevant, and neither will I tolerate your thinking that I am. For as I mentioned, I will be reverenced someday soon.


Some say, too, that I’m about power, and that bores me. Everybody always talks about power, and some of your clerics (the less canny among them, I’m afraid) even talk about giving it away to the people, and in turn those people giving their power to the marginalized and disenfranchised. Not me; I’m going to accrete all I can and never expend it – only threaten and pose, strut and cajole. I love being me, for as I have said, that’s how I was made.


Never mind all that rubbish from Jesus about loving everyone equally and treating your brother as you would want to be treated. Never mind about your revelation, or of how God’s Holy Spirit works through localized contexts and in particular persons acting and speaking in particular circumstances.


That’s enough theology. Theology makes me tired. I like games and sports – nothing too deep, mind. Otherwise I have to go to the counselor, who says I have accute narcissistic personality disorder. I don’t know what that means and haven’t the slightest interest in looking it up.


Look, the point is, freedom – your freedom, I mean – is illusory. Eventually we give it all over to someone else. Don’t believe me? Pop round to the old-folks’ home; who do you think’s running the show down there?


So here’s the deal. Give me your power, your freedom, your sense of what makes for justice and right and wrong, and I promise to hold it as one who … well, “cares” is too strong a word. Let’s just say tries to appear to care. That’s it.


Well, I suppose that about covers it for now. See you soon.






Since @AngCovenant does not deign to show his face, it seemed best to ask the dark Lord, Darth Vader himself, to do the honours. Wikimedia offers us this version under a creative commons licence.


9 comments on this post:

UKViewer said...

Dear Anglican Covenant,

I’m delighted to hear your agenda in such clarity and unambiguous words, which belie those on the paper that you are written upon.

I see that all words of freedom of thought, freedom of expression, creative thought, liberation theology and scripture and reason are to be abandoned in favour of a tradition, which the ‘Reformers’ of the 16th Century worked so tirelessly to overthrow, and many of them shed their lives for.

I don’t see anywhere in your agenda, any mention of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Spirit. I only read of poor men, blinded by a stricken conscience, living in medieval theology, bigoted by prejudice and professing the Gospel of exclusion, and wanting to wield power over the minds, hearts and spirits of men and women.

I read of a religion, reminiscent of the type of Judaism, practised in Pre-Christian Israel, where observing the law was more important than listening and living by the word of God.

I read of a magisterium modelled on the autocracy of Rome, something I fled from for my life and for the sake of my soul. I read of a power grab so bold and daring, that it takes my breath way due to its sheer lack of imagination.

Worst of all, I read of a faith, belief and love being relegated to a second or even third tier of membership of a Communion built over generations of mutual, love, support, encouragement and shared history.

So, dear Anglican Covenant, through the sheer audacity of your agenda, I’ve lost all faith in the communion you are written upon and about, but and reserve the right to say NO TO COVENANT.

Yours Sincerely

A Reformed, Protestant, Anglican

28 November 2011 21:36
Lay Anglicana said...

You are on splendid form this evening, UKViewer! I endorse all that you say – it will be interesting to see whether we get a comment from @AngCovenant himself…

28 November 2011 22:13
JCF said...

Heh-heh, funny stuff LA!

…I mean, thank you, Your Lordship Anglican Covenant. I bow down to you. May I call you Cov? No?

Lay Anglicana said...

Thank-you, JCF, on behalf of His Lordship.

29 November 2011 10:43
29 November 2011 09:16
Nancy Wallace said...

I’m invoking the first clause of Magna Carta (and this one is still valid in English law):
“FIRST, THAT WE HAVE GRANTED TO GOD, and by this present charter have confirmed for us and our heirs in perpetuity, that the English Church shall be free, and shall have its rights undiminished, and its liberties unimpaired…”

Lay Anglicana said...

I have been unable so far to persuade His Lordship to respond to these comments, so I will have to imagine his response:

“Silence! It is imperative for my will to prevail that no one hears this subversive reference to Magna Carta! Luckily for me, the people of this land of ours seem to have forgotten the hard-won achievement at Runnymede. And who is there to remind them?”

29 November 2011 10:47
Stephen said...

Thanks for this amusing take on the Covenant. But, unless I have have missed it, I don’t believe it addresses the key issue of the status of the CofE, which differs fundamentally from that of every other Church in the Anglican Communion. As the Established Church, the CofE serves in the name of Jesus Christ not just confessing Anglicans, but every citizen of England, and is formally and intimately linked to the Crown, Parliament and English Law. It is not free to alter its constitution, theology or governance, as if it were, say, the Anglican Church in Brazil (which is entirely independent of the state).

Lay Anglicana said...

I think it possible that @AngCovenant (I have not made him up – you should perhaps all follow him on twitter) is from the Americas or possibly Australasia, which would explain his lack of emphasis on the unique position of the Church of England….

29 November 2011 13:13
29 November 2011 12:10
29 November 2011 10:25
Lay Anglicana said...

I thought you might like to see this exchange of emails between me and

You seem like good people but you’re against me.

If you ever want to stir the dust up again, I’m sure I can lend a hand.


On Mon, Nov 28, 2011 at 3:06 PM, Laura Sykes wrote:
Dear Anglican Covenant!
Well, you have certainly come up trumps – many thanks indeed. If that doesn’t send a shiver down people’s spines, nothing will!

I have just put it on twitter, facebook and linked in (and it will also be seen by quite a few American/Canadian anti-Covenanters, since I recently joined the No Anglican Covenant Coalition.

It’s a pleasure doing business with your alter ego, if not actually with you, Oh A. C.!

And on Twitter:

@layanglicana Please assure your readers I am far too busy polishing my trophies to respond. All hail me.

@AngCovenant You have several comments on the blog post – people seem to think I have made you up. Would be great if you could correct them?

Adopting me is like making an appointment for a tooth extraction. Living with me is rather like the procedure itself sans pain medication.

The Anglican Covenant himself speaks out: ‘One Day You Will Bow to Me’: Guest Post by @AngCovenant
29 Nov

@layanglicana You’re welcome. This is difficult to say, as manners are not part of my programming.
29 Nov

30 November 2011 08:46

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