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Candidates for Cantuar: Geraldine Grainger

Calm down dears‘ says the official spokesman for the Church of England (Please try not to be so patronising, if you don’t want another Peasants’ Revolt on your hands).  It seems that we have neglected to take the elementary precaution like the Vatican of locking our Cantuar selectors in a room, and feeding them on a diet of gruel and water, until they come to a conclusion. The British weekend, unbelievably, takes precedence. Just as well the decision is not urgent or important, then. Perhaps their rules of life derive from those who fought Asterix the Gaul, but those Britons only stopped for tea.

Of course, it could be a sign from above that the Almighty thinks the list of possible candidates contains several huge omissions. Geraldine Grainger became Vicar of Dibley in 1994. By now, she would have had 18 years (at least) service in the priesthood, and in any normal part of the Anglican Communion would have undoubtedly been raised to the episcopate by now.
Lest you think this is proof, if further proof were needed, that Lay Anglicana has finally lost her marbles, I am putting forward this idea at the suggestion of our New Zealand brethren, who have already secured enthusiastic assent from many in The Episcopal Church of North America. The Revd Bosco Peters invites us all to sign his petition:

The time has come to move from bearded and bushy to the “babe with a bob cut and a magnificent bosom”. Bring back joy and laughter to being a Christian – no no no no no no yes?!

Here is a link to Bosco’s blog post, ‘Failing to agree on Archbishop of Canterbury’

[UPDATE: in response to people’s angst, I have re-opened the online petition to The Crown Nominations Commission and Britain’s Prime Minister: That Geraldine Granger be appointed Archbishop of Canterbury by the Queen. SIGN UP – tell your friends]

p.s. this Southern-hemisphere blogger is  a little surprised, in the present state of the Communion, at how many Anglicans still live on a flat earth. By “an announcement is expected during the autumn“, for those of us having moved on to accepting the world is round, for half the planet they mean “the Spring”! [Unless they are really going to drag it out…]

p.p.s. For those of you who can cope with the “F” word – they were secretly filming the meeting (as you know they do!)


There has been much talk on twitter about the need to select a candidate who shows true humility. This was in response to a post in turn from an Archdruid, no less. I invite you to inspect closely the photograph of the Revd Geraldine Grainger illustrating this piece, which seems to me to be the epitome of humility. ‘Who, me?’ she seems to call to us…


Of course, if we are really desperate – and I hear you object that the Vicar of Dibley was a fictional character – we could always ask Dawn French to fill the post. Cyberspace is now full of references to those made Archbishop of Canterbury without previously having been ordained.


6 comments on this post:

UKViewer said...

The idea of a fictional character being chosen as the Arch Bishop of Canterbury is little different from the actual selection process. Conducted in secrecy, clouded in mystery, but opened up to scrutiny by the late, lamented Dean of Southwark, Colin Slee. As this commentary highlights

I like the idea of you losing your marbles because it would explain a lot 🙂 But, I know that this is just a tongue in cheek post, pulling together threads from @liturgy and @archruideileen.

I just think that we need an electoral college similar to that of most other Anglican provinces where we get to vote on the election of all bishops, suffragan, diocesan or metropolitan. That will be the only way to get clarity and to allow some discernment, rather than buggins turn as it appears to outsiders to be at the moment.

In the same way, diocesan and general synod should be open to elections from parishes or deaneries without the current nomination type of process. The Church representation rules need urgent review and amendment.

Time for change and I hope that the next Arch Bishop might be a catalyst for it.

Lay Anglicana said...

It is indeed time for change, which is why I pray most sincerely that the CNC do not light on “a safe pair of hands” – there is no such option available in 2012, we must find someone brave enough to cross the chasm on a rope-bridge and take us all with him.

29 September 2012 14:38
29 September 2012 10:15
Susan said...

If Revd. Geraldine Grainger… or Dawn French… were to become the Archbishop of Canterbury, I might actually be excited. As one who has been so sorely disappointed in the current incumbent, I’m afraid the post has lost all its salt to my taste.

Lay Anglicana said...

Thank-you, Susan. Yes, Bosco talks about the ‘joy and laughter’ of being a Christian and the phrase ‘joy and hope in believing’ is rattling around in my head. I think we have all missed that so much – the last few years have seemed all about people who were fixated on pulling motes out of their neighbours’ eyes, and trying to persuade them to xxxx off and live and let live.

29 September 2012 14:35
29 September 2012 13:23
Kate Alvanley said...

Could do a lot worse than Geraldine – deft handling of a hostile PCC & snooty David. Track record of innovative worship & increasing the flock – literally with her animal services. Always has an emergency supply of Curly Wurlies which will useful for long General Synod debates. Terrific sermons & pastoral work. Only downside from my perspective, she’s a massive fan of St Cliff of Richard but we can’t all be perfect!

Chris Fewings said...

Cliff Richard could be an interim safe pair of hands (backed by a choir of archdruids, perhaps) until Synod passes the necessary legislation to allow fictional archbishops.

30 September 2012 21:23
30 September 2012 13:17

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