According to the official website for Lacrosse as it is played in England:

Lacrosse has a history that spans centuries and is rooted in Native American religion. It was often played to resolve conflicts, prepare for war, heal the sick, and develop strong, virile men. To Native Americans, lacrosse is still referred to as “The Creator’s Game.” Legend tells of as many as 1,000 players per side, from the same or different tribes, who took turns engaging in a violent contest. Contestants played on a field from one to 15 miles in length, and games sometimes lasted for days. Some tribes used a single pole, tree or rock for a goal, while other tribes had two goal posts through which the ball had to pass. Balls were made out of wood, deerskin, baked clay or stone.

The Creator’s Game

This seems an appropriately elevated title for the game of being an archbishop.  ‘Game’ in this context, of course, does not indicate a simple hand of whist, say,  but the game theory beloved of experts. The description (played to resolve conflicts, prepare for war, heal the sick and develop strong, virile men) seems to cover pretty well what we currently expect of the Primate of All England.   Although the original game was conducted on horseback, I see no reason why the next Cantuar should make a habit of this, although given the strife that ensues at most recent debates in the Anglican Communion, insisting that speakers only be ‘heard’ while mounted would at least ensure a quick, if undignified, exit.

It must be pointed out that, whereas the finest flower of British womanhood play this ‘contact’ game completely unarmed and with their womanly attributes protected only by a T-shirt, in other parts of the Anglican Communion (notably the USA) it is regarded as madness to enter the fray without full body armour: what we stiff-upper lip Brits call a ‘contact game’ is more accurately described on the other side of the Atlantic as a collision sport, with the concomitant degree of injury. British school girls are not ‘injured’ on the lacrosse field, merely inconvenienced by the odd (?mis-directed) thwack. Similarities with the Anglican Communion are too obvious to need pointing out: although both are under the impression that they are playing the same game, local variations in fact make the rules of the game played in one Province almost unrecognisable in another.

Job Description suggested by the Crown Nominations Commission (I paraphrase:)

1.  Diocesan in Canterbury (duties of diocesan normally devolved to Bishop of Dover).

2.  Metropolitan of the 30 dioceses of the province of Canterbury.

3.  Primate of All England – Chaplain to the Nation.

4.  Focus of the Anglican Communion (first among equals), Convener of the Lambeth Conference.

5. International Spiritual Leader (together with the Pope and Ecumenical Patriarch representing Christianity).

6. National and International Ecumenical Role.

7. Take a lead among leaders of other faiths, nationally and internationally.

The Rules of Lacrosse

 Lacrosse is a contact game played by ten players: a goalkeeper, three defence men, three mid fielders and three attack men. The object of the game is to shoot the ball into the opponent’s goal. The team scoring the most goals wins.

Ÿ  The Archbishop is part of a team of bishops who play the game of running the church on behalf of God and the Queen.  The prime objective is to preserve the status quo. His team generally plays defensively in all matters, and only goes on the offensive in matters of gender and sexuality. There are both defence men and attack men amongst the bishops but all play the game according to the Church’s interpretation of the rules.

Ÿ  The Archbishop normally plays the game for about  10, 15 or 20 years (variable) with an end time of 70 years.  The game is divided into 5-year quarters, when the Archbishop convenes the Lambeth Conference to mark half-time. Quarters have periods, of indeterminate length, but everything stops for a crisis. Such crises have included, either in reality, or in the planning department at Church House, the following:

•  Ÿ  The Pope parking his tanks on the Lawn of Lambeth Palace.
• Ÿ  Women forgetting subservience and expecting to play the game alongside men.
• Ÿ  Gays asking for equality and disturbing the consciences of players.
• Ÿ  The Church Commissioners investing unwisely, putting  clergy pensions in jeopardy.
• Ÿ  A Royal Wedding or other major public event, preventing normal play.
• Ÿ  An ethical public protest and attempt to occupy sacred ground, disturbing the business of  money-making in cathedrals.
• Ÿ  An article written by the Archbishop creating public uproar.

Ÿ The Archbishop may blow the whistle at any point, according to conscience or whim.  He and his team then change sides.  Time-outs for consultation are permitted, after which the status quo is maintained, unless the Archbishop wishes the status quo to be amended, in which case it is amended.

The Archbishop may run with the metaphorical ball in his metaphorical stick or ‘crosse‘ as it is called. The intention is to keep the  ball in play, pass to one another and to continually defend the status quo without of course dropping the ball.   It is in this sense that it is a team game. Fouls are rare, in that it is almost always acceptable for the player to plead unintentional injury to the other player. Part of the gamesmanship lies in pushing at the boundaries of what is acceptable to each umpire. Of course, it may be advantageous at times to cry ‘Foul’ in order to disqualify a player on the opposing team.

The expression ‘moving the goal posts’ makes little sense in the context of lacrosse, since the lacrosse field has no boundaries and nothing is therefore out of bounds.

So there we have it.  Lacrosse for the Archbishop of Canterbury.

“The Brave Do Not Live Forever, But The Cautious Do Not Live At All’ (Richard Branson)